guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
