Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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