Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
