I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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