I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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