If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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