There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
