you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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