he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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