Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
areolas are like halos for boobs.
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whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
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Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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