i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
