The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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