I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
