i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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