Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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