He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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