I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
