Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am available for nakedness
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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