I wanna passion pit in your ass
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
