and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
