Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
You can't motorboat a personality
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
