on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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