He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
