I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
