I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
