why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
