I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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