hotel room ftw
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
