you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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