I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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