I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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