Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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