i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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