Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
