I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
