why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
