he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Mom said you looked used
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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