living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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