my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
