He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
