what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
