Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
