i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
