I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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