i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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