yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
