He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
