I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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