I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
