I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
