This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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