Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
