His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you inspire me to be a worse person
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
