that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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