We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
