College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
