My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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