so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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