the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
