I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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