Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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