Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
