Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize