He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
