After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
