my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
