Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
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Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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