The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
