Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
