dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
