Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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