I just saw a hot homeless man
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
