i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize