not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
