I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
