sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize