you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
