Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
