The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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