You're so nebulous sometimes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Randomize