This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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