he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
