I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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